If you’ve ever wondered what £157 gets you in Tenerife, let me introduce you to today’s focus keyword: Laguna Park 2 review. Spoiler alert. You’re about to learn that sunshine is free for a reason.
We flew out hoping for a bit of winter sun. You know. A break from the Northern Ireland rain, mud, and the dogs giving us attitude because the van is too cold. What we got instead was a crash course in entomology, delivered by the bedbug population of Costa Adeje.
Welcome to the Hill of Doom
First impression. The hotel is perched on a hill that would make a goat take a moment. By the time you get to reception, you’ve clocked more calories than a treadmill on January 1st. My calves were screaming. My watch genuinely thought it had been kidnapped and forced into manual labour.
But hey. Sunshine.
Room 1: B3 – The Discovery
We arrive. We drop the bags. We lift the sheets. And there it is. A bedbug giving us the same look I give people who ask if the van has a toilet. A mix of disgust and resignation.
Right. No sleep happening here.
Back to reception!
Room 2: J7 – Bonus Bedbugs and Poolside Cockroaches
J7 is right beside the pool. Nice location if you ignore the cockroach that sprinted past me like it was late for a shift. We also found even more bedbugs.
At this point we’re not unpacking. We’re not sitting. We’re not touching anything. We’re scanning every speck on the wall like we’re forensics.
Back to reception.
Room 3: IE12 – The Cockroach Above the Bed
Third time lucky. We walk in. We look up. There it is. A cockroach perched above the bed like a guardian spirit nobody asked for.
Honestly. I’ve had calmer experiences resetting the MiFi in a rainstorm.
Back to reception.
Room 4: E6 – The Downgrade but Finally Sleep
E6. A modern downgrade. No sofa. No separate room. No bugs on immediate inspection. At this point the bar is so low it’s underground. I would have slept on a tiled floor and counted it as an upgrade.
We finally lay down, exhausted, slightly traumatised, and ready to be bitten to death if that’s what fate had planned.
Morning Update: Armbands for Emotional Damage
We tell management the story. All four rooms. All the bugs. All the cardio.
To be fair, they upgraded our armbands to all-inclusive for 24 hours, probably as an apology for the hotel bingo experience we just survived.
Credit where it’s due. That was decent of them.
The Honest Bit: It’s a Two-Star Hotel
Cleanliness. Could be better.
Beds. My back still hasn’t forgiven me.
The hill. A leg day workout not approved by any doctor.
Price. £157 for two people for four days. You get what you pay for.
Would I come back to Tenerife? Absolutely. We will be in January!
Would I stay here again? Absolutely not.
The Fun Bit: Playing with the DJI Osmo Nano
This was meant to be a quiet, non-verbal test of the DJI Osmo Nano. And honestly. Stunning little device. Weighs next to bog roll. I’m blown away by it. If I didn’t own the Pocket 3, I’d buy this again.
If you want to see the footage, the YouTube link is below:
Final Thoughts Before Heading Back to the Rain
Tenerife in November. Warm. Sunny. Perfect.
Laguna Park 2. Educational. For all the wrong reasons.
Next week we’re off to Glenariff Waterfalls. Because apparently, we enjoy suffering on hills enough to look for more.
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